I am hating this aging process. I find I feel old and ugly all the time. Like I have lost the ability to be me anymore. Has that happen to you. Lost yourself. Do you know how to find yourself again? If so can you help me???
Some time has passed now. My mom passed away in 2020. And I had to clean out her home again. But my sister stayed there. Another gentleman from church had a stroke and it was called on me to clear his home for it to be sold. Also some task of getting things stops he could go into a nursing home. Then I had to clear out my mom’s home a year later from my sister and her family so we could arrange the sale of the house. Yes I have emptied the same home 3 times now. Add in a year of hell from a rebellious teenager that created problems I would have never anticipated. 2020 and 2021 have not even begun to scratch the surface of stress with COVID that I have dealt with on a personal level of life.
Now I can finally start to breathe again. The oldest niece is out of our home from all of the disruptions she has caused. So it is much calmer now. I still care for two grandbabes that are College girl’s kiddos. (Yes she has a little boy this last year!!). Dear Hubby had shoulder surgery this summer. And I should be having knee replacement surgery next week. Things do not slow down but the stress level has really leveled out.
Like giving up. Like I am only here for others when they need the help of some kind. Like I am unnoticed otherwise. Like an instant worker that is called on....robot-like.
I do not get a phone call, text or message from anyone of come visit me, let's have lunch or wanna talk. Instead, I hear when it is, I need help, wanna clean, here is a task that I can't do. I do not feel noticed as a friend or even desired to be with to hang around. Only a worker, doer, someone to complete a job.
It makes me want to just hide. Not reach out. Not let anyone in anymore. Quit where I am at.
Lonely being only asked to work.
It is not easy to be looking at your senior years and then all of a sudden be "new" parental units again. Patience is never been my strong suit and I am having to learn how to try and step back and breath more often. But the kids need stability ever so much. So we are doing our best to give them just that.
Now we have talked about College Girl here (who is no longer that title....??? needs new name too) and Dear Hubby and the Grandbabes. So what is the title I need to give these three? Currently, I have been saying the Kiddos. Not sure what works but if you think of something then let me know.
In the mean time, have a great day....happy holiday and know I appreciate you hanging out with me.
Lately, my life has been one big trama after another. From last year at this time trying to care for my dad, Tom who was very ill and not fighting for his life at all. He passed in November of 2018. Then 8 days after that my oldest brother passed unexpectedly. Caring for all the financial and arrangements fell on me 100%. It was horrid to hold up too while keeping myself calm and available on my day to day duties.
Then it was needing to clean out my dad's home who was a hoarder for over 40 years so my mom could move into it within one month. She had to have it as could no longer afford where she was living (due to my brother's death). The 1st room of the house alone was over 2 tons of trash. Honestly not kidding. This was month's long events of cleaning, emptying and moving stuff.
Finally was able to be done with most of that. Breath....right! But then I was tasked with caring for a church member that needed a lot of guidance and help. It was nonending for some time. Also, my oldest grandson was with us for the whole summer. (That was also a blessing.) Oh and of course I care for my young granddaughter daily while her parents work. So day to day life is always busy. Let's add on the evening meals for our missionaries, dinners and bible study each week for church members and of course trying to have some time for my husband too.
Then come August of this year I was tasked to take in my 2 great-nieces and great-nephew. They were taken from their parents due to a CPS case. It is now 3 months later and there is no end in sight as to how long they will be living with us. Having not had much regular scheduled home life it has been very challenging to them as well as us. Lots of fighting and arguing and crying for the first month alone. It is getting better thankfully.
Now this last month we have had my middle brother passed away, my uncle passed away, my father in law in the hospital (serious) and now in nursing home care for rehab, my brother in law in the hospital (bells palsy) and a family reunion to all take in. Of course, added to this is my regular duties, caring for granddaughter, caring for the 3 kiddos here, caring for church members and yes, I amazingly still have a husband around!
It is almost a year now since my dad passed and truthfully I still feel that I have not had time to breathe or even adjust. I would love to crawl in a hole and stay there for a few months honestly. Yes, I am fussing, complaining and blowing off my steam. But this is my place so guess it is okay for me to do it here.
With that, I am too changing all the time. My newest day to day life is no longer that of a mid-life empty nester 55+ woman. Instead, I am caring for my grandbabe daily which is very common for this portion of life. I am loving having time with her as she explores. It keeps me busy. But added to that is my task and responsibilities to the members at church. I like being helpful there supporting the other members. Again, a normal part at this stage of life.
And.....I am also now the stand-in parent for 3 young ones. 11, 9 and 4 years old kiddos who are relatives placed in my care while the family is trying to get their life back on track. This is not the norm at my age of life. Having 3 children who are all in elementary school is very trying. I am having to remember to be patient since I have long been more or less just doing what I wish and how I want for some time. The oldest is very trying as she has many times pushed me to my limits as she is trying to find out what is the new norms for her life. The other two are doing their best to just cope without knowing what is going to happen to them.
Now I do not know how long this is going to be for us. But I am aware it will not end soon at all. So, relearning how to be a parent and not a grandparent, aunt, friend, cousin, babysitter....but totally responsible all the time once again.
But I was still scared and nervous. I always am when I have to have dental work done. Heck, I am freaked out for cleanings. It is unreasonable that I have such a fear when I have never had any problems with the dentist. Silly irrational fears!
Do you have an irrational fear? My husband is scared of sharks and has a horrid fear of cotton balls. Honestly! What do you think causes this type of fear? My daughter is scared of mannikins. Who knows why? So what are your thoughts?
For further info here is an article that could open up more understanding.
So are blogs long gone now? Passe' as they say? But oh well, it started off as a place for me to just talk. Sorta like a personal online journal. Most likely it will be that all over again. If you by any chance came by and visited, then take the time to say a good ol' howdy to me. The comments are just below and it sure would make me smile.
In the meantime, here is a lil bit of joy from me to you!!!
Sometimes I wonder why it is that this is what makes me happy. Sure I get tired. Who doesn't? But even in that I still am most often the one who would get up and tackle the next chore.
Almondina Toastees is my favorite go to snack. They have the crunch, flavor and just all around amazing....goodness. Now I am a sucker for a good crunchy biscuit. Add in flavors such as Cranberry Almond, Sesame Almond, Coconut Orange or Lemon Poppy and you have snack heaven. Past the wonderful flavors is the factors of no added fat, no cholesterol or salt or trans fat or preservatives. For those who are lactose intolerant they are dairy free!
So what is the negative on this snack treat? NONE, nope not guilt, great flavor and satisfying crunch. So help yourself....soon!
How? Well how about winning some right here. You can win 3 full size packages. My favorite is always cranberry almond. I was shocked at how grat the sesame almond was also, toasted nutty flavor. And who would not want the hawaiian flavors of coconut orange? The Lemon Poppy is perfect with a hot cup of herbal tea. Entry is easy. Just leave a comment here on this post. I will pick a winner by random choice. Make sure you leave your e-mail so I can contact you!
This is a sponsored post that contains affiliate links. I received the product in exchange for writing this review. Although this post is sponsored, all opinions are my own.