Holidays & Mixed Families

If your not aware I am like so many others. I have been married and divorced and married..........and now I have a mixed family. With that is always new lessons to learn on how to exist in these families with harmony. I feel quite lucky that my ex and I sat down and talked on how to have a friendly divorce. We knew we would always be our daughter's parents and would have to be part of each others lives after our divorce. And we have made it work out with little fuss.

So how did we get there? Well, first we wasted a long time. Staying married 15 years when our marriage was over in the first 5 years. I would have liked to have read "How to Know if it's Time to Go-A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage". Now I know that we all wish to keep our marriage healthy. I wanted to do the very same thing. But instead wasted 10 years of mine and my ex's life. And drug our sweet daughter through those trying times. Sometimes we just have to face reality.

What I do like about this book is that it addresses your children's issues. Making it a fact that there needs to be healthy relationships between the separated parents and future families. So you need to deal with how a healthy divorce works compared to an unhealthy marriage. (I know having been there.) And helping your child or children with school, family, friends, self esteem and all the issues that come up. I feel quiet lucky that we took a logical look at our future. Now having been divorced over 7 years we can still visit each other with our College Girl. And even better yet, College Girl now has her (half) lil sister to share her life with. The two families often share meals, holidays and even for a short while a home together.

I would like to thank Sterling Publishing Company for sharing "How to Know if it's Time to Go". And would highly recommend it as a tool to help when you need to take a reality check of your marriage. You will most likely find that your marriage is in better shape than you thought. And that life can be improved through communication and maybe counseling.

Code Switching Skills

"Does it ever seem that men are speaking in code and you're on the outside?

Do they shut you down or ignore you when you speak?

Perhaps you are speaking in code, too - a different code."

This is the basis behind Code Switching-how to talk so men will listen by Claire Damken Brown and Audrey Nelson. Here is a book also based on how to get ahead in a male dominated workplace but again I think we can use these same principles in our home life. I am well aware that the communication skills I have with my Dear Hubby is not just by chance. Both of us come from previous marriages and we have taken what we learned from our mistakes to make this marriage stronger.

The number one skill is communication. And I had to learn that we did not speak the same language even though it sounded the same. We did learn about Code Switching. Brown and Nelson remind us that "men and women DO have unique communication styles that don’t always mesh well. Code Switching offers a way of “reaching across the aisle” to open the lines of communication. It helps both women and men crack the gender code and speak in common terms, so work gets done, conflict gets resolved, and mutual understanding and respect prevail … in the workplace and beyond." This book focuses on working women and how they can best communicate to get their message across to the men they work with. For men are pretty straight forward in business and women often look at how a business interacts. Both of these factors are great for a companies growth, but only if all can communicate to each other.

I know I have used the skills that I employed in the work world in my home life. I am sure you have too. This just may be a book that can be a cross over for both work, home and social help. I would recommend it to those who would like to be able to have good communication skills where ever they are.

#6

Today makes 6 years of marriage for Dear Hubby and I. And it feels so much longer.

Image by sonson via Flickr

Not in that 'longer' way like oh my goodness....no like we have always been together.
I have wanted to always love and be loved in the way we do.
He is my knight in shining armor,
my hero,
my lover,
my friend,
my partner,
my world.
Happy Anniversary Dear Hubby!