Up & Down

Life goes up and life goes down, for all of us.  You know, those days that everything is amazing and then the other days that it is hard to open your eyes.  We all have this happen at one time or the other.

Currently I am trying to understand how to keep the smile on my face when inside it is all torn up.  The worst part is that life is okay.  Nothing is wrong.  But the chemical imbalance does effect the way I think, view things and react.  This part of chronic depression is not only physically exhausting, it is also mentally havoc.  When you can not think clearly then it is even harder to understand what is really going on around you and not let your emotions come into play.

I only know that my emotions are running around like lil electrical shocks.  Hitting me here and there, not really knowing where I will feel it next.  But knowing that no matter all the good around me (and there is plenty of it) that shock is going to take me back another step.  Before you know it, your whole system is on edge and thinking clearly is out the window.

I know I am ranting here.  Forgive me, but at the same time this is my place.  And if I can not sound out here then where is safe.  No nothing is wrong at all.  Just my chemical imbalance having fun with me.  I give up....tomorrow I am seeing my Doctor to check out some medication changes.