Okay bear with me folks. This is something new that I am trying out. If you like it tell me. If you don't tell me. But for my weekend post I would like to do some 'free' writing. Just some creative writing that is inside of me. And have a place to put it and get a lil feed back. I do not promise it to be good. I do not promise it to be of your taste. But I do promise it has been inside of me for years and trying to get out.
So here we go!
My eyes opened up. Fear had clutched me. Everything was dark. I remembered to take a breath. Ahhh. Okay I am in bed. It is okay. Yes, that was just a dream. One that had me scared to move. But it is not real. Not anymore. I know I should get up, get my day started. Work on normalcy so it will all fade away. Forget what really happened to have these dreams attack me. At the same time I want to lay here and try to rest just a lil bit more. Breath in and out. Let go of the fear. Know I am safe, sound, whole. I made it through.
He can not attack me again. He is not even the same man. Age has softened him, thank goodness. And the beast that held his grip for so long has left. Did it hurt? Oh so badly, took over my whole childhood. Was it horrid? Enough to make me detach from myself to get through it all. But did it kill me? No, it did not. I am strong and wise from the whole event. And I learned how to do the most important thing ever. I learned how to forgive with my whole being. That is what brought me peace. What keeps me whole. That one act took years to learn. To fully let go of anger. And to love once again.
I have not forgotten what has happened. My dreams would never allow me to anyway. I make sure to stay safe now. But I have a better life from all the pain. They say a fire makes iron stronger. Well the fire of that life made me stronger. It made me know myself better than anyone could. The hurt left scars inside. But the life I have now filled with acceptance, kindness and true desire to help is worth the scars. I wish it had never happened but since it did, I am glad that it made me ready and open to help others.
Yeah the dream had me going. But it is just a dream. Just a fleeting memory. The past, way back there somewhere. Time to get up, get moving, start my day. Coffee to be made. Dishes to do. Laundry to fold. The usual day to day life. Yes time to start smiling again.