Thought I would be more regular

I really thought I would be more regular than this. But not surprised at myself. I manage to get a few words out and then I have to stop. Let my mind come togeather til I am sure it is the direction I want to go. Oh but watch out I can take off like a blue streak once I am comfortable with a path. There have been so many false starts in my life. Oh it sounds good or would be the thing to do. But once I do that very first time then I have to stop again. Fear does it you know. It does. Fear of the unknown some may say. But I know it is fear of commitment. Yes your always scared to put one more thing on your plate even when it looks good. You know that with one bite you will have to decide if this is something you want to eat regular or should you never have even took that bite. Like buyers remorse with your life. But you can't take your life back can you. "Oh excuse me, I made a mistake and took the wrong path. I would like to return this now. Can I have my life refunded back to me?" Would be nice but no we loose the time we invested. Oh they say you have gained experience. I have so many experiences I never asked to gain that I won't miss a few more. Ok so today I sound like a chicken, too scared to scratch anywhere than the safety of my own little pen. Well there are many days like that. The one's I just want to sit in the doorway and look outside. But do not feel like going out there is safe enough. What is wrong with taking life in safe little steps. Who said being the one who runs out to greet a day with whoops and twirls and jumps always comes out safe. They too can trip and fall. Sometimes they get up other times have a scratch on the knee. But there are times the fall is hard and they spain an ankle or break a wrist. Then they look back and see me. Sitting in the doorway. Being safe is sometimes what is needed. I know that they say the condition is treatable. But today I don't won't to be treated. Today I just want to be a little more regular than this. Humm. Think I will go sit on the porch. Farther than the doorway but not in the street yet.

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