the good, the bad and the ugly

Howdy all!  Today I am hitting some heavy thoughts.  But I promise I am still my happy cheery self...well the one you get to put up with most of the time.  I wanted to touch base on the good, the bad and the ugly.  Just in reverse.

Let's start with the ugly.  Mental illness is really ugly.  It clouds up your thoughts.  Cripples your emotions.  Turns you inside out and leaves you there.  I lived with mental illness (still do) since I was a child.  At 35 help finally arrived in the nick of time.  When I was at the end of my rope and finally letting go of life itself a net caught me.  Help arrived and during a hospital stay (3 months) healing started.  I am better now.  Not healed but healthy. 

The Good!

The bad?  Addiction.  Be it to booze, drugs, food, cutting, gnawing on your nails.  What ever it is you can not control, stop or let go of.  My Dear Hubby lost the battle to drugs over 10 years ago.  Yes, he lost.  He ended up in the hospital in a coma for a month.  His body shutting down and everything giving up.  Thank God the doctors did not give up too.  After surgeries, replacement parts and lots of time to heal he woke up.  A new man.  Became my man too.  (We met months after this.)  Six years ago Dear Hubby won the fight with booze.  He has been sober ever since.  It was a hard start with lots of forgiving to do from both of us.  But oh it has been so worth it.

The good is that we both have had our battles.  We both have fought with all we have to heal.  We both found each other.  And now we can be ever so filled with joy every day that the path is clearer.  Bills still up to our ears?  Yes!  Do we worry and even fight at times?  Of course.  Though now we hold on even tighter to each other.  Thank God for sticking with us when we needed it the most.  Are so in love that it is sicking to College Girl but she prays that one day she finds someone that makes her just as happy as we are.

So why all of this today?  Well because Elsa Campion M.D. reminded me how important it is to see the path we have traveled.  It gives us a great insight of how to keep from tripping, falling and being taken over once again.  Through the Unknowable is her memoir of family life that deals with depression and alcohol.  But wins because of love.  Through the Unknowable is an intimate and fiercely honest look inside a family falling apart and a mother who never stops trying to pick up the pieces. This book is a must-read for anyone who knows how it feels to wander through the unknowable.  Elsa did all she knew to do as a psychiatrist to help her daughter.  She did all she could do as a mother to love her daughter as she went through horrid times.  And she shares the healing through the mourning her family and herself went through when they had to let go.  


Not all battles are won.  But they are worth fighting for.  I am glad mine is still here.  Fighting by taking my medication daily even though I hate every single pill.  Winning by acknowledging that I am happy no matter if my messed up mind tries to tell me I am not at times.  I thank Elsa and Vantage Press for sharing with me.  It was hard to read.  Tears flowed when I was alone in bed taking this all in.  I am sorry for Elsa's loss.   But so happy she shared the battle with me.