Home at Last
Oh my, I feel like a different person. I have been so keyed up for the last 6 weeks that I forgot that I am a generally happy person. I still have the crick in my neck from all the stress but it may begin to go away now. My darling husband is back here! I feel lost without him now. It is wild to think that a strong woman can become such that the loss of a partner can make her weak. I don't like being weak. I like it when I am sure of myself. Know what I am doing and where I am going. And I understand that these down times are challenges that I am overcoming. Bit by bit. But that is how it is for all of us. Shoot by our forties we are no longer doing hurdles and long jumps. More of a skip here and there at best. Also we know that there are traps we can fall into if we do not examine the path closely. Use to be able to get out of them easier but now our climbing has slowed down and we tend to be more careful. Nothing wrong with that. But I still mark milestones with drastic measures. Don't know if I will ever learn not to do that. This last 6 weeks has taught me how much my husband does mean to me. It is not enough (for some reason) to just have a wedding ring on to note I am his. Or his last name attached to mine. I wanted something more. Something daring. That would be just for him to see. Hummmm. Wonder why I at 40 I am looking for such drastic measures. Is it my own mid life crisis telling me I am not young anymore. Wanting to feel like a 20 year old who is just looking at life? I know I may regret it, but I really don't feel that way at this time. Have to say (sad to have to though) that this is my last husband. I do not like knowing that I have failed in marriage before. I understand the first one. We knew we would not last. Miss him so, he was a great friend. Too bad he could not hold on to his life and see what we all saw in him. But when I married my daughter's dad, well that was suppose to be it. 15 years is not like we did not try. But we were both so sad together. And now my happiness could not be more appreciated. Still I had to do something this time to get my life jump started again. So why a tattoo? Pretty permanent I would say. And a name on it. They always say do not put a name on. Guess I really do feel that this is it in the hubby department. Well one day I will be older and laugh at my wicked ways. Funny I don't think this will be on the top of the list. But I am sure it will always put a smile on my lips when I think of it and him. Not a bad way to affirm I am alive and happy once again.